Margaret has been married to Peter for 15 years, and in all that time they haven’t lived together again. She lives alone in her London flat; he remains in the family home in Brisbane, Australia. They see each other in person once a year or every 18 months.
Even so, she says their marriage is more alive than ever. She told the BBC’s Woman’s Hour that she has made new friends and that living alone in London has been a wonderful experience.
She doesn’t present it as a perfect fairy tale: she admits that the downside is the lack of companionship and that Peter isn’t very good at socializing on his own.
This is known as a LAT relationship, an acronym for Living Apart Together, “living apart together”.
According to official figures cited by the BBC, just 3% of people who are married or in a civil partnership live apart.
An expert from Relate, a British couples counseling service, says the arrangement isn’t for everyone, but it can offer space and “a place to come back to”.
For some, this is freedom and the healthiest way to nurture love. For others, it’s a couple that has stopped being one in every way but on paper.
Can you really be married without sharing everyday life?