You’ve probably heard—or read somewhere—those cliché self-help phrases that, according to psychologist and writer Lorena Gascón, are completely useless.
Lorena Gascón holds a degree in Psychology from the University of Valencia. She also has postgraduate degrees in Secondary Education Teaching and General Health Psychology. She specializes in Mindfulness and Compassion.
The psychologist shared a post on her social media titled: “10 crappy phrases from cheap self-help.”
1. If you want to, you can
The writer says that “not everything depends on willpower,” because there are external factors beyond our control—such as mental health and resources—that can even make us feel guilty for not achieving something.
2. Step out of your comfort zone
Gascón explains that “you don’t always have to be uncomfortable to grow.” If you feel safe somewhere and have what you want, it’s okay to stay.
3. Don’t complain, take action
Complaining is fine when you need someone close to listen to you—and sometimes, you really need that, she says.
4. Surround yourself only with positive people
The psychologist points out that no one is 100% positive or negative. Life is made up of nuances, and “people are not objects for us to feel better,” she emphasizes.
5. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
“It’s not healthy to romanticize setbacks,” she says, adding that “what doesn’t kill you can still leave you pretty messed up,” meaning we come out different, but not always better.
6. You have to love yourself first to be loved
“Self-love doesn’t appear out of nowhere—it’s built through connection with others.”
7. Everything depends on you
“Not everything depends on you—if it did, life would be much simpler.” She again stresses the role of external factors that influence our lives.
8. It’s all in your mind
She argues that not everything is internal, and saying so invalidates what we’ve lived through. The brain constructs stories, but there is also reality.
9. Be your best version at all times
We can’t always feel good or be better, the expert says. Feeling bad is also part of being human, and sometimes we simply don’t want to try.
10. Choose to be happy
Gascón explains that “happiness doesn’t have an on/off switch” and again emphasizes social factors—like having basic needs met—that don’t always depend on us.